July 9, 2007
Untitled fiction
whatever story I could think of in ten minutes, whatever idea I got in the first ten minutes. So this story is about, a young, nameless woman, sitting in her office, on a supposedly good day and what is going through her head.......
begins here-
Is it possible, to be blank. I have been sitting in my cubicle, staring at my computer for an hour now, with not even a flicker of a thought grazing through my brain…while my coffee has gotten cold, my brain has come to a stand still …perhaps its meditation,… which is something I shouldn’t be doing right now, given that I am supposedly giving finishing touches to an assignment that I am actually yet to begin with.
I don’t know how it happened. Today was a good day, my boss is out of station, the office is almost empty, too many people on leave, (and I love it, less people to nag you), and I had been looking outside the glass walls near my cubicle, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, the cute nameless guy from the sixth floor, when the phone rang…
I almost fell of my seat, it was so sudden and loud (have you noticed phone rings are louder when the office is empty). I was surprised to find that it was Swati, my boss. Why was she calling me, did she even know me. And there it was …can you send me the new-customer data by tomorrow morning? She said.
I guess the blankness started setting in right then. I fumbled for words and asked what she was talking about. Of course not in as many words, I politely asked her to explain, since I already had so many assignments on hand :-). She reminded me of some meeting and that since the past ten days I was supposed to be working on collecting data on new customers for my company’s recently launched cell phone service......Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt? How did this happen?
After stammering for a whole forty five seconds, I managed to blurt out that I was almost done with it and would be sending it to her by the end of the day.
She sounded a little exhausted and pleased, .....I was relieved.
Now what did she mean by I volunteered. It’s despicable; I find if difficult to manage what I have on hand, why on earth would I ask for more. What strain of dumb virus hit me, I know not.
My mind started reeling and it all came back to me.
The staff meeting 10 days back, I was standing right behind one of my colleagues (trying to keep out of view). All the conference rooms were booked so there we were, in the canteen, huddled together listening to Swati. She was explaining something about the recently launched service etc etc and I was totally concentrating on what she was saying until I saw him, the cute guy from the sixth floor.
I mean I just looked at him while still listening to Swati. I don’t know his name, but I have been kind of bumping into him since the past 2 months or so, actually 67 days to be exact. He works on the sixth floor, I guess in the accounting team,( which means he could be one of those high fliers, chartered accountant, definitely brainy) curly hair, glasses and the most beautiful dimpled smile, basically a dream.
He was in the canteen of all places, looking my way, and he smiled. I couldn’t believe it but he was actually looking at me and smiling. And then he was waving his hands saying hello. Before I knew my hand was also up, and I was waving back.
All of a sudden I heard Swati talking to me. She was thanked me, and said that she will get back to me in two weeks. I was shocked by so many things, the cute guy smiling, Swati thanking me for God only knows what, that my smile was still stuck on my face.
I meant to find out all about it but was so swamped with work. Now here I am, apparently with just a couple of hours left to come up with an unknown assignment.
Diving into research, ........there must be some website telling you where to find Mr. Potter's Invisibility Cloak...
-----
I think I will try to continue it and give take it somewhere else...
Curry Crisis
And this is not the first time, there have been many more before and not just Gutti Venkaya. In fact today was a decent disaster compared to what the dear old kitchen has witnessed before. There was that time when I found this can of Sarson Ka Saag in the Indian store. I was thrilled and got it right away. I even got the corn flour, determined to whip up a scrumptious meal of sarson ka saag and makki ki roti.
The roti turned up like ….I don’t know …there is no single word to describe what it turned up like. It was like an absolutely horrendous, and tasteless giant cookie made with corn flour, that was just crumbling into powder when you tried to eat it. And the saag, despite following all the instructions to the “T” (which was basically heating it up in a bowl in microwave-you can’t go wrong on that one, meaning I did it right) it was simply disgusting to eat, to smell and even to look at. I don’t like throwing food away, but that was a no brainer, hands down.
Its like some colours never work for you, they never look good on you. So you just have to get rid of them and try those that bring out the best in you.
I kind of feel it’s the same way with me and the eggplant curry. Time to cut my losses (the innumerous hours wasted in trying to get it right, the stomach upsets after eating what I made and so much more) and just walk away.
July 8, 2007
a pinch of salt
Today although salt has around fourteen thousand uses, currency is not one of them.
I know the culinary uses of salt, but I have always wondered what would world be like if salt was the currency.
So in today's world if we got rid of the paper notes and got back to salt, how different would things be? If salt costed what it did during the Roman times, we would be paying around eighty dollars per pound of salt. I did not come up with this figure, I found it in a very interesting article online, and believe that a lot of research went behind it.
But getting back to a scenario where salt is the currency, imagine going to Macy's and getting a gorgeous Ralph Lauren dress for a sack of salt, or going to your local bank with a can of salt and coming back with salt cubes in change or getting salt bars for your salary.
All the places near sea shore would be controlled by the government. There would be no celebrity sightings at Malibu and no vacations in carribbean or Hawai. I guess bikini would have never been born. In all likelihood we would not be using salt in preparation of food and would have come up with some substitute. Pepper would be standing alone on table tops. Perhaps there would be fewer people with blood pressure problems.
Chances are salt would come in different colours of different value. A bizarre scenario would be that salt would be somehow waterproofed.
Well life would certainly be very different from what we know now, and perhaps some one would be blogging about the times when paper was used as currency, fantasizing about going to Macy's and buying a designer dress for a sheet of paper.
Dreaming on........
“Airplane”, I replied immediately. She shook her head saying no. I came up with Tornado, the response was no.
I was confident I had the right answer when I said Light,….to my surprise she once again shook her head saying no.
“It is the human mind, can’t believe you didn’t get it” she said.
Hmmmmmmm….. I didn’t think much of it at that time. But later, on a rainy day as I sat listening to my History teacher talking about the British rule in India, I drifted away to a place almost two hundred years back, when Elizabeth Bennet walked all the way to Mr. Bingley’s house, Netherfield, to meet her ailing sister Jane. She walked three miles through the mud to visit Jane. I wondered what kind of boots was she wearing, were they comfortable ?And how did she manage to clean her gown of the mud stains, especially, since in those days there were no detergents.
A split second later, our shrilly school bell rang, the class was over and I was out of Pride and Prejudice and back in the twentieth century. Mind is the fastest, hands down; it can be anywhere any moment. But it is not the speed with which mind can bounce off places; it’s the ability of mind to wander anywhere that fascinates me.
Now if this happens constructively, with a purpose in mind, it would be called thinking, but if your mind is bouncing off, like mine was, imagining Ms. Bennet walking to Netherfield one moment and thinking of detergents the next, chances are it would be called day dreaming.
Unfortunately daydreaming is frowned upon by many, but I firmly believe it is one of the main foundations of human evolution. Think about it, discovery of fire as expected was an accident, but the invention of wheel was definitely someone’s dream, someone who was tired of walking or tired of lifting heavy things. Even when it comes to language, at some point someone among our ancestors must have gotten tired of waving hands and gesturing and would have wondered if there was a way that would make communication easier.
Perhaps in a different world, some one else also, like me, thought of Ms. Bennet's muddy gowns and came up with detergents. Thats the beauty of day dreaming, nothing is off limits; it doesn't make a difference whether you get laughed at or patted in the back in appreciation, in your dreams, you are free.
July 7, 2007
Against all odds
Paul Potts is not the first one; there have been hundreds of them before. Right from day to day little league matches to world wide competitions, we have seen absolute nobodies take the field by storm, and create history, and we have seen ourselves rooting for the one who has all the odds stacked against him.
Underdog syndrome as its called is so rampant that it even extends to works of fiction. We can’t stop cheering when Cinderella, the legendary heroine of fairy tales, ends up becoming a princess after a lifetime of servitude, when Rocky Balboa loses the match but lasts the fifteen rounds or even when Harry Potter goes from an ordinary boy being mistreated in his aunt’s house to a hero in the wizard world.
So what is it about the underdog that makes us root for them? Is it because we, in some odd twisted way hate those on top? Those who have made it to the top have in all likelihood used their own talent, effort and hard work to reach there. Perhaps it is not hatred or dislike for those who are already the best in their field but the hope, the faith that the underdog represents, the hope that with hard work and perseverance, it is possible, to beat the odds.
In many ways the underdog’s victory is a slice of success much more within reach.
July 6, 2007
catch phrase
So who uses them and why do they use them? Well anybody who has anything to sell, a product, an image, or an idea. And many a times even by ordinary people not perhaps to sell anything but just out of habit.
One of the teachers in my high school had this habit of using an unusual phrase “Jo Hai Ki” in his normal speech. One day while attending his class I counted the number of times he uttered Jo Hai Ki. It was seventy two times in a thirty minute class. No one pointed out to him, his habit of repeating this phrase and he blissfully continued to utter the phrase every time he spoke. And although he may not have intended it this way but every time I think of him I remember his Jo Hai Ki.
That’s how catch phrase catch on, they help you recall something they are associated with and often they works the other way round, you see something and remember the catchy phrase associated with it. Who can forget jingles and catch phrases like “Mango Fruiti, fresh n juicy”, “Gale mein khich khich, gale mein khich khich kya karoon”, or “Khao gagan raho magan”, they will forever be associated with the product they endorsed.
In fact catch phrases are used more often than we may even realize. It is very common for political parties, companies, advertisers, celebrities, and people trying to get the audience's attention to try to come up with a phrase that will be their signature line. Advertisers are always coming up with a phrase that can become a trademark for the product they are advertising. Many television hosts have a signature line that audiences associate with them. When Katie Couric moved to the evening news, she told the public that she was trying to come up with a signing off phrase and thousands of viewers even sent suggestions.
There was a time when even I tried to come up with a catch phrase; I zeroed in on Go jump and Go take a walk. It gave me immense satisfaction whenever I used the catch phrase, it was kind of my thing but I had to give it up soon. Some people actually started jumping or going for long walks and never coming back.
Good or bad, catch phrases are like labels, or logo, they help you identify the product, person or the idea and set them apart from others.
Reality Bites
What happened next was a bevy of reality shows hitting the airwaves year after year. On the Lot, Shaq’s Big Challenge, Age of Love, Hey Paula, Fast Cars & Superstars, Bindi-The Jungle Girl and many more are joining the reality television bandwagon and this is just for this year.
Wikipedia defines Reality television as “a genre of television programming which presents purportedly unscripted dramatic or humorous situations, documents actual events, and features ordinary people instead of professional actors”. The operative word in this whole definition being “purportedly”, as in the real(ity) world of television, its all about editing, and exaggerated drama.
So with a celebrity obsessed society, why are people interested in watching ordinary people, people just like them but on the other side of television? One reason could be that it allows ordinary people to fantasize that they can gain fame and money overnight, that it is possible for anyone to become a celebrity. On the other hand the popularity of the show among some audiences could be simply because people marvel at others’ misery, (I think definitely true for programmes like “The Fear Factor”). The reality shows sometimes push the social envelope and that might be attractive to some. At an ideal level the shows are popular perhaps because the audience is genuinely interested in knowing what is happening in others’ lives or have an inherent dislike for anything unreal and fake.
Opinions and reasons aside, the primary reason these shows are on air is the cost benefit ratio. They involve minimal costs, ordinary people who need not be paid in millions and large audiences. In a way it’s a win win situation, the networks save bundles of money, and it allows ordinary people to get fame & money.
It is very unlikely that reality television will disappear from television; it has become a genre in itself. And for those of us who are not really into reality television, we will just have to wait for this phase to fade out if not totally disappear.
July 5, 2007
that's private
Though this uncomfortable snippet of information about his private life did not take away from my movie watching experience, but it always came back to me, it was always there and at some level I guess I did judge him once again.
And it’s the same thing when it comes to many celebrities no matter what field they are in. A single scandal and depending on its severity, their whole life can get defined by it. It doesn't matter what else they have done in their life, the scandal becomes a frame of reference. Perhaps time weathers off some of the effect, but the imprint is always there. When you see Bill Clinton today, you may not immediately think of Monica Lewinsky, but on the other hand when you see Monica Lewinsky, the first thing that crosses your mind is her role in the Clinton scandal.
Media today focuses so much on the private lives of famous people that even the tiniest bit of totally useless information about them is readily available. In fact if you follow the right websites, magazines and TV programmes, you can have day to day update on what the celebrities are doing.
And lot of times even if you don’t want to know, you cannot avoid it. When Paris Hilton was released from prison last week, it created media frenzy; it was diligently covered by all the major networks. Some anchors even apologized for covering Paris Hilton before proceeding to talk about her. But every tiny, silly detail was covered right from the clothes she wore to what she ate to what kind of make up she had on.
So do we judge them on the basis of scandal, do we define them by their scandal, perhaps not all of us and not always, but its always there, it is there somewhere at the back of our mind.
Appearances are deceptive
I didn’t understand it right then that my perception of the image on TV had changed. I was ten; I didn’t realize that the dress Madhuri was wearing was not looking flattering, even on her. She was my favourite actress and no matter what kind of crazy outfit she wore she always looked good to me.
I realize now, that our perceptions rule over reality in just about every aspect of life. Our opinions and judgments are influenced by the images and appearances before us. And this is true in every single aspect of life.
A couple of months back ABC ran a documentary on just the same, on how our perception affects the simplest of decisions in life. They observed the behaviour of a test group of people and how their perception was influenced by imagery.
In one study, people were tested on likeability of Vodka. The test group was asked about their favorite vodka. Majority replied that they preferred Grey Goose, and some even responded that they can differentiate between Grey Goose and other brands of vodka. Six brands of vodka were used including Grey Goose which is an expensive brand of vodka. The test group was served with the six different brands of vodka, in glasses and asked to identify the vodka, and rate the different Vodka on likeability. The results were surprising; no one rated Grey Goose as the favourite, and no one identified Grey Goose correctly.
Though some had claimed that Grey Goose is their favorite, when consuming other brands they just could not differentiate Grey Goose from others. It was their perception that was telling them a particular brand was the best.
Though this was a study, but our day to day life is full of examples where we put on our coloured glasses and look at the world. Perhaps it is not humanly possible to dissociate our perceptions from the way we look at reality, but we could be, just a little open, to acknowledge that what we see may not be all that is there to see.
July 4, 2007
that's hot...
The lady at the centre of coffee case was 81 year old Stella Liebeck. She was in a car when she accidentally spilled Mc D’s coffee on herself and suffered third degree burns on her body. Contrary to general belief she was not driving, and the car was actually pulled over, for her to add sugar to her coffee, when she spilled the coffee over herself. Initially she just wanted Mc D to pay for her medical expenses which they refused, stupid decision in retrospect. So she went on to sue and walked away with two plus million in damages, which was later reduced.
Now the National Coffee Association recommends that coffee should be brewed at 195- 205 degrees Fahrenheit for optimal extraction and drunk immediately (guaranteed to give you a scalding throat or money back). If not drunk immediately, the coffee should be maintained at 180-185 degrees Fahrenheit. Mc D were doing something similar, they served coffee at 180-190 degrees Fahrenheit. But in the ten years preceding the famous coffee case, more than 700 people had suffered from burn injuries ranging from mild to serious resulting in complaints and lawsuits. The issue was coffee at that temperature was capable of causing severe third degree burns (shocker) and there was no warning to the customers of the risk.
Public opinion continues to be divided on whether it was a just case or not, and where does responsibility for your own actions kick in? But the coffee case definitely left a legacy; it inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous and often successful cases and more importantly it got all the companies to print "HOT" on the caps of hot beverages saving thousands of unsuspecting hot beverage drinkers from getting burnt.
Chasing the trend
Apart from skinny jeans things that are in are polka dots, that s cute, fluffy sleeved tops, floral prints, summery dresses, curly hair, silver and gold flats, the list goes on.
It is all precious, the only glitch, it practically makes my whole wardrobe, fashionably stale.
I thought last year was the year of revealation. It was time to get zexxxyyyy, no more sloppiness; I shall be trendy this season, I thought. After years of watching Fashion Police in E! channel, checking out Fashion faceoff in People magazine and endless hours of window shopping, I was officially inspired to dive into fashion.
And so I set out to get trendy. Multiple rounds of Macys, Old Navy, Express, Gap, Guess, Target, Nordstrom and a couple more, and I was ready to face the fashion bravely. Boot leg jeans, solid colors, stripes, gypsy skirts, straight hair etc etc.. I was in vogue. Hell I even had heels, as uncomfortable as they were but anything for fashion.
It was all perfect, and then, a bleep of a heartbeat later, fashion was different once again. In fact practically whatever I had before my fashion adventure or misadventure, with the exception of skinny jeans and some is back once again. Now they are even threatening that apart form skinny jeans, ultra wide jeans are going to get in...... I think I am ready to roll on the floor.
Who decides what is in and what is out? My fashion decision, I am sticking to my wardrobe and definitely not watching those damn fashion shows any more.
July 3, 2007
Why the fuss?
Iphone is being dubbed as once in a decade event if not once in a century event. But more than the product itself, what caught everyone’s attention was the frenzy leading upto the Friday launch. Snippets of interesting and amusing news were trickling throughout the past weekend.
Customers started waiting outside Apple stores even before the Friday launch but some people took the cake. The person who had the number one spot in the queue outside one of the Apple stores in New York had waited there for a week. Another person actually flew in from Norway to New york to buy Iphone the moment it hit the stores. I am positive both have a very fulfilling life and cost effectiveness is one of their plus points.
Some customers paid upto $300 to proxy waiters to stand in line for them and buy the Iphone for them. In New york especially the demand for waiters was extremely high. After the sales frenzy, many of the sold iphones quickly made it to different websites and were sold to the highest bidders
It costs Apple a mere $200 and $220 to manufacture the 4 GB and 8GB Iphone respectively. Market estimates indicate that nearly half a million Iphones were sold within the first twenty four hours. The online orders alone will take two to four weeks for processing.
Some people are speculating that there has been so much hype surrounding the Iphone that the expectations are extremely high and Apple cannot afford to not deliver.
Apple did not go in a marketing overdrive, in fact there was very less information made public about Iphone. The announcement of the launch five months back was followed by strategically placed in events. So why all this fuss, why this craze over an electronic gadget? Why is Iphone destined to be a success?
Perhaps because Apple has woken a sleeping giant, has bent the market and just like Google, created demand for something practically non existent.
July 2, 2007
Mango Madness...
After a gap of 18 years Mangoes are back in America. The U.S government, under a new trade agreement with India, has agreed to resume the import of mangoes. This lifting of the ban on mango imports or as some people are calling it, mango diplomacy, is being seen as another step forward in improving India-U.S relations.
May 2007 ended the ban on mango imports and ushered in mango madness, they going at a rate of $35 for a crate of 12 mangoes as of now. The reason why they were not allowed for so long into America was that certain unapproved pesticides were being used by Indian farmers. But now, mangoes are being irradiated and this makes them fit for consumption.
With a 4000 yr old history, mangoes are believed to have originated in the north eastern belt of India and are now grown throughout the Indian subcontinent.
Growing up in India, mangoes were an inherent part of life and integral part of culture. Mangoes have a considerable presence in religion, history, art, handicrafts, jewelry and very commonly in cuisine across India. Apart from Hindus, Buddhists also consider them sacred as Lord Buddha is believed to have lived under a mango tree. They are also associated with abundance and joy. Many of us must have seen mango leaves being tied at the entrance to bring in good luck. Down south perhaps Banana and coconuts are close contenders.
They are also known to have political uses. In Pakistan, if you receive a crate of mangoes from your enemy, it means they want to reconcile with you and rejecting a gift is considered bad according to tribal traditions. The idea is to replace embarrassing apologies by sending mangoes. Also the mangoes sent to a rival must be from your own farm and not from some market. This form of diplomacy was introduced sometime in the 19th century during the British reign in the Sindh region.
In India Jawaharlal Nehru and Indira Gandhi were known to carry baskets of the choicest of Mangoes on their foreign trips. On one such trip to Moscow, when the mangoes were served during a banquet, they created a sensation with many of the dignitaries taking the mangoes back home to their families.
Whatever their use, they are one of the most enjoyable fruits ever and perhaps “the most waited for”, fruit in India. For me, mangoes are the reason to wait for summer.
July 1, 2007
The complete Idiot’s Guide to Catch a Housefly
So I got inspired, and decided to come up with a comprehensive set of instructions to catch Musca domestica, our very own housefly. I am sure, all of us, with the exception of bubble boy I guess, have had the pleasure of finding a fly buzzing around our head, refusing to let go and would love the opportunity to get back.
So here's what you can do-
-The swat approach
1) Let the fly settle down, preferably on a horizontal surface.
2) Approach the fly cautiously; make sure that there are no sudden movements.
3) Position both of your hands; Considering the reflex of an average person and that of a housefly, it works very well to position your palms about 6-8 inches over the fly. Keep a distance of atleast a feet between your open palms.
4) Now with a swift motion, clap your palms together. This works better than trying to directly smack a fly.
NOTE: The reason this works is because a fly reacts to a threat by simply flying away, and when you approach a fly from two sides it gets confused.
If you do not want to get your hands dirty, the following two techniques might help-
-Surface - towel approach
1) Take a bath towel, make sure that the one you choose is not very bulky. A light turkey towel is a good choice for this.
2) Hold both the ends of the towel together by scrunching them up. Again wait for the fly to settle on a horizontal surface.
3) Approach the fly cautiously and when you are 3-4 feet away, slap the towel on the fly.
4) Work on your timing and the smacking speed if you don't get it right first time.
-Mid-air smack approach
1) Take a bath towel, make sure that the one you choose is not very bulky.
2) Fold the towel in half and hold it in your dominant hand. Wait for the fly to fly away from you.
3) Swing the towel at the fly swiftly. Watch your swing speed.
4) Work on your timing and speed if you don't get it right first time.
-No blood approach
I tried this and am happy to say that it worked real fine. The initial steps are the same;
1) Wait for the fly to settle down on a plain surface.
2) Take a glass tumbler, preferrably a long and thick one and approach the fly cautiously. Watch the fly closely, and when its relaxed, very swiftly place the hollow side of the tumbler on the fly.
3) The fly is stuck inside the glass, wait for the fly to be near the top of the glass.
4) Now swiftly slide the tumbler on to a plate so that the plate seals the open end of the tumbler. 5) Release the fly outside your house.
I read somewhere that you can try catching a fly with your bare hands as well. You have to approach the fly and place both of your palms about six inches above the fly. Keep your palms about two feet apart and when the fly moves away, cup your hands. With good practice, you might get the fly inside your hands. Now shake your cupped palms vigorously and then release the fly outside. Chances are the fly will never return and if you are lucky might even tell its buddies not to approach you.
All this requires a lot of concentration, and can be very frustrating. But once you get it right, it is very rewarding.